


Oranges and Grapes and A Fish (or two)

by Pomodoridori



Series: Fishman & Dollface, a series [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, M/M, itachi has a Bad Time but it's because hes being a dumb kid, kakuzu is confused and angry and kind of an ass, kisames totally mothering him, old men cuddling, theres some vaguely suggestive stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 04:45:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13023510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pomodoridori/pseuds/Pomodoridori
Summary: Itachi has a no good, very bad day.  Kisame is concerned.  Kakuzu just wants to read in peace, dammit!





	Oranges and Grapes and A Fish (or two)

Kisame doesn’t really know when he and Kakuzu got so comfortable around each other.  He  _ thinks _ it was probably around the time when he woke up and found Kakuzu’s face shoved between his shoulder blades-- but Kisame can’t really be sure.  All he knows now is that Kakuzu’s spending all his free time in Kisame and Itachi’s room, and Kisame doesn’t mind at all.

It’s  _ nice _ to have the company.  Sure, Kisame had Itachi, before, but the Uchiha wasn’t exactly talkative.  Neither was Kakuzu, really, but Kisame liked that he’d just sit in a chair and read.  Kisame was happiest when both Kakuzu and Itachi were in the room, reading: Itachi on his bed and Kakuzu sprawled in the worn armchair that lived in the corner.  Kisame’d clean Samehada and fix tears in his clothing, or sharpen his kunai, or do something useful with his hands.

At first, Kisame had been worried that Kakuzu’s presence would rub Itachi the wrong way.  

“Tachi,” Kisame’d said, “You’re okay with Kakuzu spending his time here, yeah?”

Itachi’s black eyes had flicked up to meet Kisame’s grey ones.  “He’s quiet.  It’s fine.”

Kisame had grinned.

And as time had worn on, Itachi had gotten less wary around Kakuzu.  Not relaxed, per se-- but Kisame wasn’t seeing him watching Kakuzu out of the corner of his eye anymore.

It was nice.

\---

Kakuzu woke up sandwiched between Kisame and the wall.  He grumbled in annoyance-- the wall was solid and unyielding-- and pinched Kisame’s side.  Kisame woke with a start and huffed something rude under his breath.  Kakuzu yawned, then said, “Kisame, you were squishing me.”

“As if I could,” Kisame said, voice rough with sleep.

Kakuzu grunted and fought the need to yawn again.

Kisame sighed and turned so he was facing Kakuzu properly.  “Well, you’ve woken me up now.  I can’t go back to sleep.”

Kakuzu resisted the urge to roll his eyes (something he’d picked up from Hidan, even though it was a petulant, childish impulse) and instead huffed, “You doze all the time.  Go back to sleep.”

But Kisame continued to watch Kakuzu with his grey-yellow eyes.  Kakuzu swallowed.  He did not like being observed.  It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

Suddenly, Kisame reached forward, and Kakuzu almost flinched, except Kisame was moving slow, and his chakra hadn’t spiked.

Kakuzu blinked when Kisame brushed his hair off his forehead.  

Kisame paused, and, watching Kakuzu intently, slowly reached to run his fingers down the side of Kakuzu’s face.  He stiffened.

“What are you doing?”  Kakuzu’s voice was a wheeze of surprise.

“I-- I’ll stop, if you want me to.”  Kisame started to look sheepish, then, and embarrassed.

Kakuzu considered.  It was rare for ninja to engage in casual touching, and it had been  _ years  _ since anyone had touched his face gently.  Kakuzu swallowed down the longing that he didn’t know had been brewing.

“It’s fine,” he croaked, mouth dry.

Kisame blinked, then rasped, “Thank god…I thought you...heh.”  He commenced running his hand up and down the side of Kakuzu’s face, almost like he was trying to pet him.  Kakuzu frowned at the awkward movements, and grabbed Kisame’s hand.  Kisame’s eyes widened when Kakuzu pulled close and placed his hand on his back.  “If you’re going to touch me, I’d rather you rub my back.”

“Uhm, okay.”

Kisame wiggled closer on the bed with a surreptitious glance over his shoulder (Kakuzu recalled Itachi) and then, apparently deeming that Uchiha was out of the room, placed both hands on Kakuzu’s back, rubbing.

Kakuzu let his eyes fall to half-mast as Kisame massaged his shoulders.  Whenever Kisame worked over a particularly bad knot, Kakuzu made a low sound of relief.  He’d never admit it out loud, but as he’d aged Kakuzu’s back had taken a turn for the worse.

Slowly, Kakuzu felt himself getting sleepy.   _ Ugh, my back feels so fucking nice. _

Ten minutes later, and Kisame’d stopped.  Kakuzu was almost asleep.  

“Mmph,” Kisame said, and rolled Kakuzu over to bury his face in the crook of Kakuzu’s neck.  Kakuzu was too sleepy to protest, so he draped his arm over Kisame’s side and closed his eyes.  Kisame was  _ warm. _

\---

Kakuzu reawoke at noon, feeling completely disoriented and mildly unsteady.  He and Kisame were tangled together in a sweaty pile of limbs, and Kakuzu rasped, “Kisame…”

Kisame didn’t wake up, but his arm twitched.  He was drooling.

Kakuzu heaved a sigh and extricated himself with no small degree of effort.  Kisame barely woke up, only to mumble and roll away, taking the blankets with him.

“Hog,” Kakuzu huffed under his breath, but smiled anyways.

Kakuzu glanced at the clock, and then cursed when he saw the late hour.   _ How the hell Kisame got me to sleep that long I’ll never know! _

He stretched, feeling a little like he’d wasted the day, but decided to go and try to balance out the account books anyway.  Kakuzu’d been gone for a few weeks, and god knew Pein always let the account books get behind when Kakuzu wasn’t there to do it for him.

Kakuzu sighed.  While Pein was generally good with the Akatsuki’s finances, the way he treated the account books was criminal.

\---

Kisame woke alone.  He would’ve been disappointed, but it was mid-afternoon and Kisame knew Kakuzu was a morning person.   _ It’d be unfair for me to be upset at him.  ...Not to mention ridiculous. _

Kisame thought back to how soft Kakuzu’s skin was.  He smiled.  He could almost feel Kakuzu’s body heat against his fingers, how his skin was incredibly soft on his face, and how the scars on his back had almost a waxy texture.  And then Kisame wondered what it’d be like to kiss him.

He came to the conclusion that it would probably be very, very nice, chapped lips or not.

\---

The Akatsuki base was incredibly quiet (save for Hidan’s inevitable outbursts) until early Wednesday morning.  

\---

Kisame was terrified.  Deeply, intensely terrified.

He’d found Itachi lying motionless on the bathroom floor at three in the morning, buck ass naked and wet with the shower still running.  

“‘Tachi?”  Kisame was gentle when he turned the kid over.  His skin was ice-cold to the touch.

Itachi’s eyelids fluttered, but he didn’t respond.

“Shit,” Kisame whispered, and then snatched his towel (a big fluffy pink one that Itachi thought was childish, but  _ damn _ if it wasn’t comfortable) and wrapped Itachi in it.  He was lighter than he should’ve been when Kisame lifted him in his arms.

“Kakuzu!” Kisame bellowed.  “Kakuzu!”  He stomped out of their room to the kitchen.  “Kakuzu!!”

Kisame was greeted by Deidara’s hollow looking gaze and his ever-snappy tone.  “Oi, Kisame, be quiet, yeah!”  The bomber was gripping a mug of coffee with white-knuckled shaking fingers, Kisame noted.

Kisame frowned.  “Where the  _ hell _ is Kakuzu?”

Deidara scrunched up his nose.  “No idea, hm.  What’s in that towel, yeah?”  He nodded towards Itachi’s bare feet, which were sticking out of the towel at an odd angle.  They looked a little blue.  Kisame swallowed.

Kisame didn’t bother answering him, instead turning to the hall, marching down it shouting for Kakuzu.

Finally, at the end of the hall, Kakuzu stuck his head out from a door, looking massively pissed.  For once, Kisame didn’t care.

“What?!” Kakuzu barked.

“It’s Itachi,” Kisame said, nodding towards the bundle in his arms.  “And you’re the only one here with even an inkling of medical jutsu.”   _ Well,  _ Kisame thought,  _ there’s Sasori, too, though I don’t trust him with Itachi.  Sasori might poison him. _

Kakuzu pulled a distasteful face, and then sighed heavily.  “Fine, I’ll take a look at him.  Put him on the kitchen table.”

Kisame frowned.  “Won’t his bed be better?”

Kakuzu gave him a  _ look _ , and growled, “Just do as I say.”

Kisame returned to the kitchen.  Deidara was still sitting at the table, looking exhausted.

“I’ll need the table, Deidara-kun.”

The blonde bomber’s gaze narrowed, and Kisame would’ve called it searing, except that Itachi’s glares were so much worse.

“Deidara, please move.”

Deidara crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.  “Why should I, yeah?”

“Medical emergency.”  Kisame could hear Kakuzu trudging down the hall.  

Deidara scrunched his nose.  “Ugh, fine, but don’t get blood on the table, hm!”  With that (and an unhappy glare at Itachi), he collected his coffee and stumbled to the room he shared with Sasori.

Kisame set Itachi down gently.  He was cold and unresponsive, though he was breathing normally.

\---

Kakuzu ran his hands down Itachi’s chest, and then began inspecting his face, turning it side to side.  He was grumbling under his breath by the time he got to Itachi’s eyes: with a gentleness that was uncharacteristic of him, he opened the lids.  Itachi’s fingers twitched.

With a sigh, Kakuzu let Itachi’s eyes close and he stepped back from the table.

“It’s just chakra exhaustion.”

Kisame frowned.  “Itachi hasn’t done anything strenuous for a few days…”

Kakuzu raised a brow, as if to contest Kisame’s statement, then added, “Tell that dumbass to stop using his eyes so much.  They’re deteriorating.”

“So what do I do now?”

Kakuzu shrugged.  “Forced bedrest, I guess.  And keep him warm.”

Kisame nodded.  “Thanks, Kakuzu.  I was really panicking there.”

Kakuzu grunted.  “I’m going out.  I’ll be getting back around ten.”

“Okay.”  With that, Kisame bundled Itachi back up and took him back to their room.

\---

Kakuzu had decided he had to do  _ something  _ about the ridiculous amount of time he was spending thinking about Kisame.  He’d been researching old books in the library, and all day he’d suddenly find himself ruminating on Kisame.  As far as intrusive thoughts went, it was pretty benign, but  _ still _ ...annoying.

So his patience was pretty thin when suddenly he heard Kisame’s voice, loud and demanding and with a touch of desperation that made something in Kakuzu twist in sympathy.

“WHAT?!”  Kakuzu roared, pent up with himself.

“It’s Itachi,” Kisame said, and internally, Kakuzu groaned.   _ Dammit.  That brat… _

\---

Itachi woke a few hours later, coming-to with a gasp and sitting up with a kunai clutched in his hand.

“Itachi,” Kisame rumbled.

Itachi whipped his head to stare at him.  His eyes were wide like a deer in the headlights.  Soon, though, he sighed, and dropped the kunai.  Then he shivered and pulled the blankets closer around his body.

“I found you on the bathroom floor.”

Itachi winced and proceeded to cover his face with a blanket.

“Kakuzu said it was chakra exhaustion.”

“Kakuzu saw me?”  Itachi sounded mortified.

“Yes.”

Itachi sunk back into the covers.

Kisame would’ve chuckled at Itachi’s embarrassment, but there were more pressing matters on his mind.  For one, the matter of Itachi’s chakra exhaustion.

“He said you shouldn’t use your eyes so much.”

“It’s  _ my _ Kekkai Genkai.”  (Was that a note of petulance in Itachi’s voice?   _ Oh,  _ but it was!)

Kisame sighed.  “Itachi, don’t be difficult.”

Itachi sunk even lower into his covers.

It was moments like this that really reminded Kisame that Itachi was still just a kid.

“Itachi, I’m aware that you like personal space, but why the hell was your chakra so low in the first place? We’ve been away from missions for nearly two weeks!”

“It’s none of your business.”

Kisame’s mouth thinned.  “You made it my business when I found you like a limp noodle on the floor.”

Itachi peeked out of the blankets to glare at Kisame.  He looked weirdly vulnerable, sitting there wrapped in the covers.  And he was being very open, which was odd.  Concerning, too.

Kisame sighed again, and softened his voice.   _ He really  _ is _ just a kid. _ “Tachi,  _ please _ .”

Itachi grumbled. “Fine.  It won’t happen again.”

Kisame crossed his arms.  “You mean me finding you half-dead somewhere or you mean leaving the base without backup?”

Itachi’s nose wrinkled a little.  “The first one,” he muttered.

Kisame felt his eye twitch.  “Tachi, me finding you isn’t the problem.  It’s you exhausting yourself during our  _ rest period  _ that’s concerning to me.”

Itachi shrugged, and Kisame fought valiantly against the urge to put his head through the wall.   _ You stubborn little shit. _

Itachi seemed to glance down in apology before saying, “I’ll do better next time,” and rolled over to face the wall.

Kisame ground his teeth, because he knew there was no way Itachi was going to stop exerting himself until he collapsed.  But he stood and got Itachi their extra comforter anyway, and gently laid it over Itachi’s still form.  Kisame could tell from the angle of Itachi’s shoulders and the slack line of his neck that he’d already fallen asleep.

Kisame sighed.   _ He must really be exhausted. _

\---

“Did you find out what Itachi has been doing, Kisame?”

“No,” Kisame rumbled grouchily.  “I haven’t.  Which isn’t unexpected.”

Kakuzu hummed.

They were lying in bed together (Itachi was catnapping in the library-- Kisame was pretty sure Itachi was still mildly annoyed at him and would stay the night) and Kakuzu was busy holding Kisame close.  Kisame could smell the faint whiff of sake on his breath.

“You were drinking,” Kisame said, as means of conversation.

“Yes.”  Kakuzu ran his hand down Kisame’s side and stopped on the meaty bit of his thigh.  “It makes it easier for me to touch you.”

Kisame blinked, feeling almost offended.  “You have to drink to be able to touch me?”  _...I’m not really  _ that _ ugly, am I? _

Kakuzu huffed.  “Not like that, you idiot.  It’s just...I’ve got to mellow out my temper.”

“So you just don’t want to stab me?”

Kakuzu grunted.  “I’d rather lower my own inhibitions than stab you, yes.”

“Mm.” Kisame thought about it.  It was pretty weird, actually.  Not the drinking-- the fact that they were two missing nin in bed practically _ caressing _ each other but without any sort of-- prompting.  Or sex, for that matter.

_ Mm. Sex.  _ Kisame licked his lips.   _ It’s certainly been a while. _

Kakuzu eyed him and pinched a bit at the roll of fat on his hip.

“Ow, fuck.” Kisame grumbled at him.  “Why do you always do that?”

“You’re soft.  It’s nice.”

Kisame pulled a face.  “It’s weird.”

“Is not.”

“You sound like some kid.”

“Shut up.”  Kakuzu pinched a little harder, and Kisame wriggled away.  Kakuzu followed.  Kisame kept edging backwards.

“You’re going to fall off the bed,” Kakuzu warned.

“Yeah, and pull you with me.”

“Hmph.” Kakuzu narrowed his eyes.

Kisame grinned and promptly scooted off the edge, grabbing a fistful of Kakuzu’s shirt to make sure he’d go with him.  Kakuzu yelped, too slow to stop him (or at least not trying very hard to avoid him).

The floor was cold and hard and Kisame regretted pulling Kakuzu off with him the instant he landed on top of him.  Kakuzu was crushing, and it almost knocked the wind out of him.  

“Kisame!”  Kakuzu groused.  He wasn’t  _ really _ mad, Kisame could hear it in his tone.  But he  _ was _ annoyed.

“You’re squishing me, get off,” Kisame wheezed.

“Oh, and who’s fault is that?”  Kakuzu rolled to his feet, and Kisame made to get to his feet, too, but Kakuzu knocked him flat on his back and held him there with a delicately placed foot over his throat.  Kisame tensed, recalling Kakuzu’s remark about controlling his temper.   _ If I misjudged the situation...I’m fucking dead. _

“Kakuzu,” he warned, eyeing Samehada from across the room.  If things got serious she’d be able to move towards him.

“Kisame,” Kakuzu said, almost agreeably, and then added, “If that sword of yours moves at all I’ll crush your throat.”

Kisame narrowed his eyes, and Samehada made a high pitched angry trill.  “Let me up.”

Kakuzu took a deep breath, forced his shoulders to relax, and then lifted his foot.

Kisame stood, quietly, warily.

“I apologize,” Kakuzu said, and something about him was terribly stiff and angry as he stalked out of the room.

Kisame blinked, feeling like he’d missed something.  

_ Well, that was interesting. _

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I don't know what the hell the plot of this is, but it sure is something. maybe they'll have sex in the next fic, yea? once kakuzu works through his weird anger-boner issues, idk
> 
> yeah,, deidara makes a guest appearance in this even though, canonically, he joins much later (same with hidan, lol). :0


End file.
